Well that's it.. I'm off the net at home.  So the only way to contact me is my cell phone.  So Colleen, darling.. give me a call as soon as you get this.  I want to talk to you hun.  That's it for now.  later.  Spirit out.

So had the second interview today.. think it went good.  Have to wait a couple days to hear sumtin back though.. in the mean time.. back to the hunt.  Started talkin to ranny again yesterday.. we're just friends now(don't believe we were anything more to begin with but whatever), so she won't cam with me anymore.  Oh well minor loss... I can deal with it.

Umm not too much else to report.. Spirit out.

K.. nvm on the ranny thing.. she's in the iggy bin and is never coming out.  She's a fucking bitch and i never want to talk to her again.  In other news..

Still looking for a job.. and I'm bout to lose the internet at my house so I won't be able to chat with the lovely ppl on yahoo anymore for a while.  So col.. you have my cell number and my email.  Already told you what to do if you don't see me on at the normal time to chat at night.  I'll miss seein your lovely smile but at least if you call me I'll be able to hear your voice.  As for the rest of y'all suckas... good riddance.  Maybe I can move on with my life.. pfft who am i kiddin.. I'm goin to miss all you tards.  Don't ask me why.. i have no fuckin clue.. guess I like the abuse a bit.  Whatever.. I need a fuckin job.. have bills to pay.  Later y'all.  Spirit out.

Well let's see.. had my 1st interview at Cracker Barrel today.  I believe it went pretty well now I have the 2nd interview scheduled for Wednesday morning.  So we'll see how that goes.  Called Krispy Kreme where I worked before I joined the AF and talked to Rick for a couple mins.. Came to the conclusion that he has no positions open so.. that's not an option.  I just want a job damnit.

The benefits package is pretty good over at Cracker Barrel though.. work 32 hours and get medical, dental, tuiton reimbursement.. all good stuff.  Also after workin there for a year I can transfer to anywhere within the country.  So you know what that means Col.. if we decided to run away I'd still be able to have a job and won't have to go through the whole job search process again.  Oh well that's just my update for today.. prolly have more later.  Spirit out.

Here I go again.. damn 3 posts in 24 hours.  Well talkin to Vix still, she's not mad at me.. she has other issues to deal with.  Her daughter is going in for surgery on Monday.  I pray that everything goes well.  Just to clarify Ranny is not in the eternal iggy bin as I had stated in my last post.  I'm in her iggy bin but guess I'll just have to live with that.

Think I've said this to someone before.. everytime I think everything is going good I find a way to fuck it all up and I'm left all alone again.  Sitting in a corner somewhere crying.  Will someone just shoot me and put me out of my misery now?  I'm just waitin til I fuck sumtin up with Colleen.. I know it'll happen.  Don't know when or how but it'll happen and when it does I'll just have to bite the bullet and take it like a man.

I hope I get a job soon.. my bills are just piling up and I've lost sight of the light at the end of the tunnel.  I'm startin to think there is no end.. I'm in a fuckin subway that never comes to the surface and there are no stops.  It's a one way trip to the depths of hell.  Damn I keep on talkin like this and my life does seem pathetic.  I think I have a rather good life, could be worse... course could be way better if I wasn't such a fuck up.  Anyways I have parents that care and took me in after I was kicked out of the AF.  Just too much is gettin to be too much.. heh what a cliche saying.. but whatever.  I've had enough of this mere existence I call a life.  I wanna stop just existing and start living.

Well let's see.. Ranny is now in the eternal iggy bin.  I'm sorry was I supposed to tell her bout all of my friends?  The last I knew we just cammed.. I wasn't going out with her or some shit like that.  But she's going to get mad at me because I didn't tell her about a friend that I was somewhat gettin serious with?  Startin to wonder what was goin through her mind.. Vix isn't talkin to me much anymore because I told her I like her sister more.  The last I knew on Vix's and mine relationship we were just friends and there wasn't anyway we could be anything more.  So I told her I'd go down to Ohio and fuck her.. but from what I'm understand there's already a guy near her that she's fuckin.  So what does she need me for?  Just to get herself confused and wonder what she's goin to do about us... I figured I'd help her out and take myself out of the equation.  HA that didn't work.. just created more stress for me and made me lose a good friend.

Neh if she was such a good friend she wouldn't have thrown me into her iggy bin.  Would anyone care if I just rolled up into a ball into a corner and just died?  That is looking more and more appealing with every passing day.  With me not able to find a good job and catchin mounds of drama in Yahoo.. I'm done.  Think I've said my piece for now.  Laterz.

Alright.. so now i'm adding to this post.  Momma is gone and I'm a yahoo player now.  Guess I should limit the amount of girls I hit on now.. Sheez get a nibble and then I lose it.  Hmm think I should just stick with fishing for fish and forget women for now.  Fish don't slap you in the face and leave you feelin like shit.  Hell you can't piss off fish.. k maybe you can but you know.. don't really care bout fish.  They're just goin to end up in the fryer.

So this is it.. I fuckin give up.  Col I don't know what to tell you hun.  You don't want me.. I'm a jerk like the rest of the losers out there.  I say again that corner is looking more and more appealing now.  Think I have a song to fit how I'm feelin now..  "Loser" by 3 Doors Down.

Breathe in right away,
Nothing seems to fill this place
I need this every time,
Take your lies get off my case
Someday I will find a love
That flows through me like this
This will fall away,
this will fall away
You're getting closer to pushing me
Off of life's little edge
Cause I'm a loser
And sooner or later
You know I'll be dead
You're getting closer,
You're holding the rope,
I'm taking the fall
Cause I'm a loser, I'm a loser, yeah
This is getting old,
I can't break these chains that I hold
My body's growing cold,
There's nothin left of this mind
Or my soul
Addiction needs a pacifier,
The buzz of this poison is taking me higher
This will fall away,
This will fall away
You're getting closer, to pushing me
Off of life's little edge
Cause I'm a loser and sooner or later
You know I'll be dead
You're getting closer,
You're holding the rope and
I'm taking the fall
Cause I'm a loser
You're getting closer, to pushing me
Off of life's little edge
Cause I'm a loser and sooner or later
You know I'll be dead
You're getting closer,
You're holding the rope
And I'm taking the fall
Cause I'm a loser

Now this baffles me.. how did i ever get myself involved in such drama filled.. oh what's the word I'm looking for.. gatherings i guess you could call it.  I swear I found more drama in Yahoo chat than on TNT.  Somehow I stumbled across a chat room and got to know a few people in there.  Colleen is a great friend... don't know what'd i do if I didn't have her to support me right now.  I've met new friends and lost em here.  Think I mentioned Amy in my previous post.. well she's out of my life now.  As is an old friend from EQ that got to be good friends with a chick I met on yahoo and I'm currently talking to her sis... not sure how much longer that will last.  Anyways that's not important anymore.  I find myself falling for someone else.  She prolly knows who she is... I talk to her constantly and I feel I can tell her just about everything and she won't get upset or push me away.  I really do love you baby.

Believe or not this post isn't even goin to be half as long as my first two.  Prolly because this is only 2 months of time compared to the year I spent on EQ and the 2 years in the AF.  Oh well.. another thing.. Megan isn't talking to me now cuz I'm a liar and I have no clue what I'm talking about.  I should know that viruses can't send themselves through IM's even though I fell victim to one and it's totally prepostorous that i should even consider that they do indeed exist.  I mean Megan is the expert right?  She spent 2 years working for the gov't tracking E-MAIL viruses.. not IM viruses mind you cuz they don't exist.  So whatever.. I'm done with her.

Now that I'm done venting let me get back to my latest obsession.  Hun if you read this and you have any feelings for me at all plz let me know.. I don't know if I can go on any longer without knowing.

That's it for this edition of my boring life.. til next time.  Spirit out.

Here I go another day, another.. hell I don't know.  Sure not another dollar cuz I'm broke as hell.  So I wrote about my short experience in the Air Force last time.. rather abridged and think I cut out all the good stuff.  Well this time it's goin to be my time in EverQuest aka EverCrack.

So I get to Peterson AFB and I don't know a soul there.. not a single friend and it stays that way for the first couple of weeks I'm there.  Then I go into FTAC where I meet 13 or so other airmen that are new to the base.  This is where I meet Shaun Bond a 20 year old guy from Virginia and he's country as all get out.  I talk with him for a bit and we become friends.  I find out he's into EQ and he just got cable hooked up to his dorm.  I go over to his room one time and I see him playin it.  He has a pretty high level monk and he's good at what he does.  It looks fun so I decide I'll try it out.

Here it begins.. I start playin for a bit.  I test out different types of characters and I find one that I instantly fall in love with.  Not sure if it's because of the name I got or what.  It's a Vah Shir shaman.  I get goin pretty good and a few weeks later I join my first guild Last People of the Dragon.  Met a few good people there.  I get to know a cleric pretty well.. we hang out a lot together helpin each other level and one day I go ut to the same zone he's in and he has his friend with him.  A magician named Duusk Dreamweaver (Megan).. little did I know then but Duusk and I would spend quite a bit of time together after Aaider becomes defunct.

Well Duusk joins my guild a lil while later but it's not til a while after that when we actually start talking.  Fuck it I'm not goin to bore you with all the details.  Let me just cut this short.  We got kinda close at times but then she gets scared and doesn't talk to me as much anymore and I find she's talkin to another guy.  I get somewhat ticked from that so I start talkin to a chick with a character named Vamperella.  We have a lil online fling until one day an old friend of mine comes back into the game and Vamp figures I'm goin to leave her so we go or different ways.  Well I'm just chillin power leveling my friend when Duusk brings her cleric over to buff her and she gets mad at me for what reason I don't know.

Come to find out she had some feelings that she never shared with me.  So we start talking again unfortunatley that wasn't very long lived for in a few months she had found out she loved another.

While I had my off and on relationship with Duusk online there were other ppl I associated with and became friends with.  I met Evillangell(Amy) while doing adventures.  We became pretty good friends and always chattted for a bit when we were on.  It never really went beyond that until this past month.  I come home and log onto yahoo and there she is.  So we chat a bit and decide since we're closer together we would meet sometime.  Also had planned once I get goin again I would save up some money and move down to TN with her but she was having problems with some ppl down there so we changed our plans and she would move up here once I got my own place.

Well I'm still tryin to get that plan in motion but it's not bein easy.  Seems Amy isn't doing that well.  Haven't talked to her in 3 days.. really worried about her.

Talked to Megan and seems like everything is going good for her.  Her house is coming along good.  So that's bout it.. short.. well not really but could've been longer.  Just like my first post but you know.. Maybe that's why I couldn't make it in the AF details are boring.  That's it.. Later

Welcome to my blog...  Well, well, well... Where oh where to begin?  I'll start with a recap of the last 2 years of my life.

April 1, 2003 - I've joined the Air Force and I've arrived in San Antonio, TX.  It's night so I don't see a whole lot of the city.  I arrive at Lackland AFB with bout 5 busloads of other new recruits.  I'm greeted by T.I.'s yelling at me and telling us to get in line.  I'm processed through and get on another bus that will take me to my new home for the next 6 weeks.  There I'm greeted by seems like other trainees that have apparently been there longer.  They're yellin at us herding my fellow trainees into our dorm.. there's one phrase that stands out in my mind from that time "DON'T STEP ON THE CHROME!!"   The chrome they're referring to is strips of metal on the floor that lead into the 2 bays where the bunks are.  So they play mind games with us for the next 10 mins then tell us to strip and parade us through the showers.  Afterwards we're able to get a whole 15 mins of sleep.  We wake up(if we were even a sleep) get dressed and get led through the days activities of filling out paperwork and get introduced to marching in formation.  Just to let you know.. I suck at marching.. I mean absolutely horrid.  My TI get's pleasure out of pointing that out...  I can go on forever detailing all the events moment by moment. so let's move forward a bit...

June 2003 - Made it through BMT alive.. Yay!  Onto tech school.  I get on a bus that takes me maybe 5 miles down the street to Medina..  Here it's a lil more relaxed, but with me I get in trouble on the first day for backtalking a rope (which is an airman that's been there for a while and is made a leader to help the MTL's keep us in line) so I get my first letter of counseling.  After that though it's smooth sailing.. I stay out of sight from the MTL's keep my nose clean drop out of Explosive Ordnance Disposal training and spend the next month cleaning dorms.  So I get reassigned to Computer system operator.. Congratulations I'm goin to wonderful Keesler AFB in Biloxi, MS with a bunch of stinky freshly graduated BMTers.